The times they are a changin

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
(Bob Dylan)

As I watch Spring begin its ascent into the Summer Sun I look around at all that has changed and all that will have changed come Fall. Friends are moving on or away, jobs have grown weary and new adventures are sure to be had. At my core I belive Nietzche was correct when he said that "What does not kill me, makes me stronger" but perhaps not more secure nor physically well off from the experience, the only true strength we gain is the knowledge that whatever we have just endured was not enough to finish the job. So as I bid adieau to the past and look warily to the future I am more or less content in the present, weakened by the ordeals of the year gone by but not entirely damaged from the wear. Tis summer and I shall rejoice for the moment, because as we know the moment is as fleeting as wealth, power and health.

Sisyphus

Office work is much like Sisyphus' boulder only not quite so physically tasking and luckily it haunts us not in to eternity. No matter what one does in an office there is more and more paperwork, mailings and busy work to do than there ever really should be. I mean I know things have to be collated but I despise the practice on principal. Luckily it is Thursday which means tomorrow is Friday and the gods of office work don't have say over my weekend hours. So why do I mention this topic at all, well because I am straying from my task at hand in order to write this little entry, my little way of thumbing my nose at the establishment while looking like I'm dutifully working. If I were to finish my work there would only be more to takes its place so I've learned the art of taking my sweet time with work so as not to stress myself out and always appear reasonably busy, while still having time to zone out and day dream, a practice that is made far the richer with a cup of fresh brewed coffee....mmmmm Sounds good think I'll go partake of that whim now.

Sticky Icky and the Big Bang

So it's sticky and icky out in NYC today, the heat of the summer is fast approaching with the humidity to boot. I'm glad it's Friday though, no complaints on that front, Friday being all the more powerful because it is the Friday before Memorial Day Weekend. Life is looking up at the moment, mostly because I've been in such a low mood that lifting my face off the pavement is a definately optimistic sign. Been thinking a lot about life lately, too much in fact and have come to the conclusion that I don't feel like thinking about it much anymore. Last night hung at Crehans with Keith, Mark and Ken, just drinking a few beers under the cloudy night sky over Astoria Queens. This of course solves none of the mysteries of the great beyond nor give any insight into the epistmological possiblities open to our human minds but it does a body good and the soul, if there is one, too. In the grander scheme of the billions of years of existence, galaxies coming and ceasing to be and more recently the dinosaurs, ice age and fox tv we must content ourselves to being rather insignifigant specks I suppose and to overly anaylze your place in the world is to neglet to analyze your place in the cosmos, hence givening far too much weight to your worries. Here's to being a small speck in the midst of an expanding universe that has been existence for billions of years and is made up of the same matter that I am, seeing as how I'm am part of it, which means that I (my physical elements) have been around for a billion years (13.7 Billion but who's really counting), how cool is that.

Sugar in My Coffee

I don't take sugar in my coffee, but on occasion (this morning being one) I seek the comfort of the sweet smooth taste to cover the abrupt necessary infusion of caffeine to my system. Still a bit high from the jams last night, played from 8-10:30 with J,Alex,Mark,Domer and Ken then played from 12:30 to 1:30 with Manny and Will. Tired this AM so I'm starting off my work day in a productive manner and writing a ease into the day blog entry. I'm feeling quite tranquil today, with the riffs and melodies of last night still floating freely through my mind. I think Ken was recording some of the tunes, if anything worth listening to again turns up it'll be posted to this site promptly. To add to my laid back mood, I've hit the point with my current temp position where moving up is just as fine as moving on and now all that is left to be decided is which. This weekend starts early for me, 3pm to be exact and then stretches out till Tuesday morning, another reason to be glad it's Thursday morning. I'll be trecking back to CT on Metro North at 3:34 I suppose, a Pint of Fosters in my hand and my bass at my side. Ah life is good sometimes too.....

Of Winners and Losers

There's a great line in the film "With Honors" when Joe Pesci's character tells Brendan Fraser that He is a loser because "Winners forget they're in a race, they just love to run. You try too hard". As one might imagine this line finds much resonance with me in my current position in life. I'd love to be the runner who Just loves to run and is not even conscious of the struggle of the race. Would my character then be less though, by not having to persevere in the face of adversity or overcome the personal demons that haunt all those uncertain of the future....

Chocolate Beer

So today my good friend Ken turned 22. He celebrated the day by gathering up some Shake Shack Burgers for Lunch then Mark, Carolina, and I took him to celebrate at Max Brenner in Union Square. The food was marvelous, I had banana split waffles with chocolate beer, while the birthday boy had a dinner of S'mores. The day is somewhat bitter sweet despite all the chocolate that abounded on the table. He leaves to be a hobo in a little more than a month. Though, believe it or not, I feel this is something that he must do for himself it is sad to see him leave. Mark, he and I had come to the city in hopes of building a recording studio out of our apartment and recording great tunes and moving on to bigger and better things but now he'll be moving on and we'll still be fighting the same fight that began those three and half years ago. People say anything the worth having comes easily but that perhaps it is the trial by fire that truly allows the final mettle that we are made of to be of worth. It's tough early on in the journey to find the faith and resolve to keep going even if you believe the end to be worthwhile. As Bob Dylan says in my favorite of his tunes "Tangled Up In Blue" "The only thing left to do is keep on keeping on"

Productive Day

You can tell that it's been a very productive day on the old work front by the fact that I am now posting my second blog entry in less than eight hours. I recently was informed that the woman who used to make my life a living nightmare while I worked at the hedge fund, flipped and quit. This is regrettable but it does post further doubt on her assumptions about the nature of work in today's marketplace. True, I was not willing to go to the lengths she was in order to succeed. In the end is she any better off than I? Financially speaking, yes she is but she is nearing her sixties and I am yet only 24, so we won't have comprable cash hordes to compare until sometime down the line. All I can say was that she was patently unhappy with her life, felt that the only meaning there was to be had was in proving to the world that she could "hang" or "surpass" every other human being on the planet. Back when I was working with her this seemed to be a lot of work and in retrospect it seems to have been even ardous than I had imagined then. I am not happy so to speak with my current job nor am I necessarily happy with who I am, but I do like my view of the world. If nothing else I believe that the world rewards hard work in pursuit of a noble goal, that you should do unto others as you would have done unto yourself and that we should make the best of the brief time we have on this planet just in case this happens to be all there is for us. This view I'm happy with, everything else well, keep reading...

Supper

Last night Mark, Ken and I gathered around our small dinner table in Astoria, Queens to partake of a meal of pan sauteed chicken breast cooked in olive oil, butter, with lemon juice, and topped with capers, minced garlic, pepper, and some American cheese. In addition we had steamed broccoli and carrots coated with butter and some hefty home mashed potatoes made with light cream. This meal would have sounded like something my mom would have cooked years ago but not in a million years would I have thought that I'd be cooking this meal. It's funny how one begins to incorporate new elements into their life. When I was working at the hedge fund, I had no opportunity to be creative and surprisingly began to look to the culinary arts as a way to infuse creative activies into my daily routine. I found that beyond the simple pleasure of prepping and and cooking, which in itself filled our apartment with the aromas of home, it became a positive force in helping to bring the three of us together. As we sit around the small table drinking beer and listening to loud music, we actually get a chance to talk, a chance that I'm not sure we would have had if the enticement of food was not present. Ever since then, I've realized the joy that can be had at a fine restaurant or a small local diner, when friends gather to recount their trials and tribulatios from the day an bask in the warmth of friendship. It might sound overly sentimental but nonetheless it is these simple pleasures that give life meaning.

Sunday Morning

So it's a sleepy Sunday morning here in Astoria Queens. It's close to 11:00 and I'm just now waking from the land of dreams and nightmares. It's overcast outside but I must leave my bed soon and go off to have my morning jolt at Starbucks. I have nothing planned for the day except practicing bass and probably watching this dvd I bought entitled In the Shadows of Motown, a look into the life and times of the great Motown session band the Funk Brothers. I love Sundays because you've already started to get a bit of the freedom feel to you air, not that it lasts much past twilight but it is still present in the lazy morning. It reminds me of my less productive but far happier days of doing nothing weeks at a time back in January, February, and half of March. Boy did I have the life! Hopefully music will show a little more progress in the next month or so and at least give me reason to believe that I won't be stuck in the cubicled, florescent lighted hell that is office work. Give me a dirty stage and a cramped van and I'd be happy, at least I think I would since I have yet to actually meet this mecca of accomplishment yet...Well here's to another sleepy Sunday may time flow slower for me so that I might truly rest in peace today.

4:49 Time to Kill

So I have a 11 minutes before I'm freed for the weekend, not much planned except dinner with my dad and Mark then a going away party on Saturday, another actress goes to grad school may her dream RIP. No real thoughts on the nature of the world or what not, just want to see how much bs I could get on the page before I shut down my computer and bound down the steps of my building into the cool spring air of midtown 6th ave. Midtown is an odd little place, nobody really lives there, just office buildings and over priced apartments that fill what used to be over priced hotels. So most of the folks you see are on their way to work or home from work. Work work work work work. Yuck. At least in the village people come to hang out, and Queens you see families running about with kids and such, but in midtown the only kids you see are the out of place looking ones following some equally out of place looking parents wearing "I Love NY" t-shirts and looking at tourist maps or gawking at the "World's largest TGIFridays" Something that we all should hope to see before we die I'm sure. Bryant park is cool as is the library, but it is far from the hopping musical mecca of the mid 1900's. 4:55 almost time to go. So excited to be out for a few days, plan to rehearse most of tomorrow before I to the going away party for the actress going back to grad school RIP her dream and such....Life is immortal and everlasting before five, I feel like that fool in Catch 22 who used to like to do the most boring of things because he figured it made time pass slower and therefore extending his life, without saying a damn thing to the quality of that life...4:56 we're almost there folks just a couple more minutes. What to talk about, I don't know, who knows anything when it's 4:57 alright we're really moving along now, I might bust a gut or break a finger just from the excitement contained in the silent ticks of an invisible clock, if I were moving at the speed of light would time slow down or speed up, I can never remember and why did E=mc2 again? 4:58 fuck it time to go.....

Suits of Certainty

Certainty: well Franklin tells us all that we can be sure of is "death and taxes" but our uncertainty itself seems to be a constant. For some this is more obvious than others. I recently was discussing the matter with a friend of mine who is both an actor, sax player and bouncer. As you know I have gone from the "steady" world of wall st. to temping and perhaps to another full time jobs but with hopes of one day making my living as a bass player. He made the good point that nothing about these supposed "secure" jobs is in fact secure, reliable or even the least bit predictable. Life is to varied for that. His point was that at least he, as an actor/musician, knew that life was unpredictable and did not place undue reliance on the present set of circumstances continuing henceforth to inffinity. Then how does one prepare to face what is by its very nature indiscernible. I liked to quote Sun Tzu on the matter, for I think he says it best "The art of war teaches us to rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming, but on our own readiness to receive him; not on the chance of his not attacking, bur rather on the fact that we have made our position unassailable"

Thoughts Over Coffee

To the world I know, it lasts but a passing instant and in that fleeting moment we are asked to find meaning. Love doth call us out from the shade of our hearts and for a moment our souls are lifted towards meaning. All the more painful to return to the cave with only sunburn to show for your troubles. I don’t feel life as Hobbes puts it is “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short” though I’m not convinced that he is that far off. This does not mean one should abandon hope in another day, as Tom Hanks taught us in Castaway, you never do know what will wash up on the beach the next day; though that means possible salvation goes hand and hand with potential ruin. Odysseus could have given up his journey everyday for twenty years but he didn’t, yet after the blood was cleaned from the Great Hall, he still had to awake the next morning to confront life’s daily chores. In striving to achieve meaning many of us hope to achieve some lasting prominence in this ephemeral world but I like to think back to the words of Lao Tzu

In the universe the difficult things are done as if they are easy.
In the universe great acts are made up of small deeds.
The sage does not attempt anything very big,
And thus achieves greatness

Yet that still leaves the question of what small deeds should be done. Aristotle wrote that “there are two things in which all which all well-being consists: one of them is the choice of a right end and aim of action, and the other the discovery of the actions which are means towards it; for the means and the end may agree or disagree”, which helps little in determining the proper end but does elucidate somewhat the choice that is our own….

Litmus Test

So things have started to change and while the specifics of these new events shall not be mentioned, the issue here is that things are no longer comfortable and it behooves me to no longer be complacent. Yet when this usually happens to me, I throw caution to the wind and grasp a hold of the first life boat that presents itself to me, even if happens to be filled with blood thirsty cannibals. Tomorrow I have an interview for a new staffing agency where, “all that is required is flexibility and willingness to work long hours”, which is something I’m more than capable of doing but the very idea of doing it now is an anathema. While this might be the case, I still am tempted at the thought of regaining a firm financial footing, but to do so would be at the expense of everything I’ve sacrificed for up until this point. Nonetheless things have started to change and I will need to start making more money….I have just called the staffing agency and canceled my interview. Damn the man save the empire.

Il Trittico

Last night my brother and I went to see Il Trittico at the Met, Puccini’s three opera journey through Dante’s Comedy. When Lauretta sang "O mio babbino caro" I felt chills flow through my body, a voice both rich in texture and with power to reach even the family circle seats that we found ourselves in with ease. It was raining afterwards, which provided further amusement as all those dressed up in their Saturday evening finery waited in lines for cabs. The wonderful thing about the Opera is that it provides a complete escape from the routine that so threatens to encompass us. The presentation of the heightened emotions through the well trained voices of these great singers speaks to the under current of raw feeling that lies beneath our mundane actions every day. Life is intense, no matter how much we think we have it all figured out, we have those moments when the orchestra hits a deep minor chord and a high note screams out within us. Life is routines compounded thank God for nights at the Opera and masterpieces of Art that can help us color our lives with the proper importance. If only I wasn’t broke and could afford the $11 glass of champagne. As Keynes said just before his life finally ebbed from his form “My only regret in life is that I did not drink more champagne”.

Update

The blog aptly titled at the time, Laidbacknyclifestyle, seems to be a bit of a misnomer these days. Those days of easy living seem to have vanished as my store of cash was drawn down and I was forced to return to the work force, though I hardly call temping true work. In the last five months I've gone from working on Wall Street, to being a want to be vagabond, and now I find myself a little less than satisfied indentured servant. I’ve run the gamut in my mind of possible career choices; chef, high school teacher, college professor, stock broker, sanitation worker, office something or other and I’ve arrived at the far from rational conclusion that I’m supposed to be a bass player. I’ve been playing music all my life so it’s not entirely out of left field, but one might say it is not actually a “mature” decision at this point in my life. Other then that, women are driving me insane and I’m emotionally isolated to them. My roommate is moving out to become a hobo and my brother, also my roommate, is working hours a week at a job that is far from rewarding. This is what it means to be in your mid-twenties I guess, raging against the fact that you’ll most likely fall into a routine that you vehemently despise but not seeing any other opportunities that pay the bills and then some…All and all I’m happier than where I was back at my old job but I’m far from happy with my life. Plus I’d like to grow a beard and long hair.